I'm so screwed.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Went out for a movie with fred earlier to catch the 200 pound beauty. Go catch it, its a damn good show after my sassy girl and the fatal seduction.
After which, we had a talk.
As i pour my thoughts out to him...
I realise i have been screwing my life inside out, upside down.
I never learnt how to live for myself.
I never knew how to be alone.
I'm always emotionally dependent on someone.
I never learnt how to take things slowly.
Maybe becoz i do not have much confidence of myself.. Afraid that i might missed the chance..
Silly girl right?
All the while, i thought i was matured enough to handle my own life.
Never once i listened to anyone advices.
It suddenly dawn on me that actually i'm still a young kiddo at heart. (in another words, immuture)
Like a kid, at the sight of something that she feels she wants, she grab.
Like a kid, who refuse to listen to anyone. Rebellious.
And i really really realise, that its time for me to find myself back.
But, i'm so freaking afraid of loneliness that i am so frighten i will jump into another shithole.
sigh. I feel like a failure in life. =/ who cannot grab hold of herself. WTF?!.. GRRRRRRRR...
2ndly,
Due to my high expenses(especially on my cab rides and retail therapy), my account has dropped to a miserable $5.
MUAHAHAHAHA!
Shiok.
Thankfully still have some reserves. (but.. i guess i needa asked from my parents soon... coz i will only get paid 2 weeks later! -.-)
the last time i was this poor was .. a year ago?
was tight to the extend that i have problems eating at work and travelling.
LOL LOL..
Me and my screwed up life all thanks to myself for not being able to handle anything. How worse can it get?
P.S: right after i finish up my post, and went for a bath.. i had gastric. AND I AM STILL HAVING IT NOW! TELL ME! HOW WORSE CAN IT BE! !!!##%$$%%^^^&***&^%%^$
After which, we had a talk.
As i pour my thoughts out to him...
I realise i have been screwing my life inside out, upside down.
I never learnt how to live for myself.
I never knew how to be alone.
I'm always emotionally dependent on someone.
I never learnt how to take things slowly.
Maybe becoz i do not have much confidence of myself.. Afraid that i might missed the chance..
Silly girl right?
All the while, i thought i was matured enough to handle my own life.
Never once i listened to anyone advices.
It suddenly dawn on me that actually i'm still a young kiddo at heart. (in another words, immuture)
Like a kid, at the sight of something that she feels she wants, she grab.
Like a kid, who refuse to listen to anyone. Rebellious.
And i really really realise, that its time for me to find myself back.
But, i'm so freaking afraid of loneliness that i am so frighten i will jump into another shithole.
sigh. I feel like a failure in life. =/ who cannot grab hold of herself. WTF?!.. GRRRRRRRR...
2ndly,
Due to my high expenses(especially on my cab rides and retail therapy), my account has dropped to a miserable $5.
MUAHAHAHAHA!
Shiok.
Thankfully still have some reserves. (but.. i guess i needa asked from my parents soon... coz i will only get paid 2 weeks later! -.-)
the last time i was this poor was .. a year ago?
was tight to the extend that i have problems eating at work and travelling.
LOL LOL..
Me and my screwed up life all thanks to myself for not being able to handle anything. How worse can it get?
P.S: right after i finish up my post, and went for a bath.. i had gastric. AND I AM STILL HAVING IT NOW! TELL ME! HOW WORSE CAN IT BE! !!!##%$$%%^^^&***&^%%^$
posted by icy at 4/21/2007 02:58:00 AM
