I always believe that.. trust is earned not given.

and i always feels that.. one should come clean with their past, so that nothing will haunt back at them in the future as u never know what will happen.

I have alot of girlfriends, who will always advise one another.. that girls should NEVER tell everything abt their past as.. the truth always hurts?

Is it true that if speaking the truth, it will be.. more likely to hurt a men's ego?

Isnt wat past is past?

and that.. when one speaks the truth, it means she/he has already let go of the past and he/she is willing to say it out?

When one hides the unspeakable, doesnt it means that.. the past hasnt been put behind?

i mean, thats what i think.

I feel that.. its always good to come clean with all that it matters to both, rather than letting your partner find out in the future becoz when that happen, the trust is breached.

Do man have any idea that actually girls are very very sensitive creatures?

and that.. a slight.. difference in behavior, attitude and even.. a special move for a special other someone.. could trigger suspicious?

and that.. when the partner finds out, the damage is worse than you telling it right from the beginning and the trust could actually be.... destroyed?

How can one... destroy the beginning trust that is earned?

1) definitely.. the usual - two timing.

2) Being especially nice to some other girls. A difference in treatment than the rest.

3) Holding someone else in the heart, only to be found out later.

4) ... and the list go on.

How can one earn the trust?

1) Actions. Proof that you love her. by showering her with other than attention, and small actions of thoughtfulness that she's always in your mind every now and then.. by.. maybe buying food? small little inexpensive gifts?

2) yeah yeah.. words maybe plays some part. but dun do it so frequently that it became "the usual"

3) At the very start of the courting days.. Pls for goodness sake, do it beautifully. Make sure u dun flirt or hug or whatever with other girls in front of her..

4) Introduce everyone, and everyone that surrounds you. Make sure she is known by all.

5) Give her a feeling that u can be trusted. How? well, its all in the heart that is shown thru the eyes. We can feel, we can see and we know.

6) Proof to her that.. you are proud to have her, and that you trust her. One way of earning trust is to trust that person first.

7) ... and the list goes on which my brain is kinda of empty now.

How do one earn back the trust that has been breached? Now this is the difficult part. Becoz you have done the unspeakable.

If this happens.. then u will have to think.. harder.

Put yourself in your partner's shoe and think.. what will you want him/her to do.. to earn back the trust.

Dun ask if you should do this, or you should do that.

Do and tell him/her what have u done.

and that you do that on your own accord.

and becoz u love him/her thats why you decided to do this.

Becoz it shows more sincerity and that you really really love him/her thats why u have decided on doing that.

BUT dun, just say for the sake of saying, and later on you were discovered that you have lied.

i think.. that will further hurt the relationship even more.

becoz.. when you say a lie, you will needa say another to cover the first lie you made.. and it goes on and on and on..

And by the time u know it.. it has snowball into something so major that you do not know how to handle it.

Other than that? Well.. if the trust has been broken.. so much. that insecurity occurs...

its best.. to cool off, and allow your partner to "rest"..

and talk things out nicely..

Whether the relationship should continue.. or end..

if continues.. both partner have to put in tons of effort to gain back the trust in the relationship. =)

Becoz.. alot of time.. when the trust is broken.. the relationship is naturally... broken. into million pieces...

i hope this helps.. to anyone who is facing a "trust" issue in the relationship!

=)

P.S: this is just my thoughts. Its not a guide. but.. maybe.. it is logical enough to help someone. By all means, you can disagree with me. It doesnt matter. =)

Oh.. and if anyone out there is facing a problem that need some advises, or.. maybe a 2nd opinion, you can by all means email to me at icy_carol@yahoo.com.sg =)

I may not be a professional love guru, but i think i should be able to give logical opinions. =)

PLS DO NOT SPAM MY EMAIL!