Relationship Lesson 2: The Killers
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Ever wonder what exactly is the main killers (the root) of a relationship?
In my own opinion - Lack of Security.
Lets put it this way, in a relationship, there must be security. When She (it can be he, it can be she) does not feel secure in this relationship, alot of problems will start appearing.
When there's a lack of security:
1) Over-Possessiveness will arise - as she dun feel secure, and she loves you, therefore she is afraid of losing you and she dunno what else to do but possess you.
2) Over-Jealousy will begin - Since there's a lack of security, she's unsure if you love her, she doubt that you will remain faithful to her, she will get jealous over any girls that you are close to or going out with.
3) will result in Lack of Confidence - Due to the lack of security in the relationship, more often than not, the person that feels not secure will eventually lose her(his) self confidence. When that happen, She will start losing her own personality, she will start losing herself.
(lack of confidence can also be the main root of all problems in a relationship. it can also result in jealousy and possessiveness, but for my case i wrote it in this way where security is the root rather than self confidence)
4) will result in Lack of Trust - As she dun feel secure, she starts to doubt your words, she start to imagine that you are doing something behind her back or she dun trust you that you are going out with your guy friends.
5) will result in Emotional Turbulence - When she dun feel secure, she will get emo over the slightest things. She will be moody, angry, sad, etc etc when you dun give her the attention that she seek for.
(the above do not include other special cases like the person itself has a serious case of low self esteem.)
Guys will always be complaining they never get to understand female. (us)
Yes, i agree, we are fickle and we are confusing.
We hate to be possessed and we hate man who gets jealous over the slightest things. Yet, when they do not, we will start to doubt if the we are important to them. LOL. I know this has always been a headache to my guy friends. They will be complaining they dun understand what their gf wants from them.
In simple terms, guys have to on and off "K siao" to get jealous and be possessive like jokingly ask the gf "you not scared i get jealous if you keep going out with your guy friends?"
Even tho its a joke, the girl will still be overjoy that he cares.
When does lack of security occurs?
1) When she dun feel special - you cares for everyone around you, you give the same treatment to every girls around you. (vise versa)
2) When you do not let her know how much you love her - this is not telling her how much you cannot live w/o her. Cause overdoing this.. might cause the other party to take you for granted.
3) The person herself/himself do not have security - meaning they love, but they cannot bring themselves to trust. then.. this will be more difficult to handle.
Of course this does not happen to all relationships. Some might have other discrepancy like lack of communication, the person himself/herself has a difficulty letting anyone into his/her heart, etc etc.
But overall, i personally feel that its becoz the person does not feel secure therefore he/she starts to have all the signs of possessing, getting jealous, etc..
How to overcome?
hmm... in my view..
1) guys should always assure the girls of their love for them.
2) Slowly proof to them that you are someone worth trusting and you are not a jerk who is out to just have fun.
3) Communicate Communicate Communicate. If she's behaving the way that angers you, be sure that you tell her nicely and asked her what is wrong.
4) Always show care and concern but not overdoing it.
5) Let them know, that you are proud of him/her. You wouldnt want her to lost her self confidence cause when she does.... everything will go haywire.
A relationship will last, when both parties play it well.
Its like a kite, you know when u pull, you know when to let go. Humans love to take things for granted. Being too nice always, will result in the other party taking you for granted.
its a tough game, but when you really understand and know the rules of it, you are almost there. =)
In my own opinion - Lack of Security.
Lets put it this way, in a relationship, there must be security. When She (it can be he, it can be she) does not feel secure in this relationship, alot of problems will start appearing.
When there's a lack of security:
1) Over-Possessiveness will arise - as she dun feel secure, and she loves you, therefore she is afraid of losing you and she dunno what else to do but possess you.
2) Over-Jealousy will begin - Since there's a lack of security, she's unsure if you love her, she doubt that you will remain faithful to her, she will get jealous over any girls that you are close to or going out with.
3) will result in Lack of Confidence - Due to the lack of security in the relationship, more often than not, the person that feels not secure will eventually lose her(his) self confidence. When that happen, She will start losing her own personality, she will start losing herself.
(lack of confidence can also be the main root of all problems in a relationship. it can also result in jealousy and possessiveness, but for my case i wrote it in this way where security is the root rather than self confidence)
4) will result in Lack of Trust - As she dun feel secure, she starts to doubt your words, she start to imagine that you are doing something behind her back or she dun trust you that you are going out with your guy friends.
5) will result in Emotional Turbulence - When she dun feel secure, she will get emo over the slightest things. She will be moody, angry, sad, etc etc when you dun give her the attention that she seek for.
(the above do not include other special cases like the person itself has a serious case of low self esteem.)
Guys will always be complaining they never get to understand female. (us)
Yes, i agree, we are fickle and we are confusing.
We hate to be possessed and we hate man who gets jealous over the slightest things. Yet, when they do not, we will start to doubt if the we are important to them. LOL. I know this has always been a headache to my guy friends. They will be complaining they dun understand what their gf wants from them.
In simple terms, guys have to on and off "K siao" to get jealous and be possessive like jokingly ask the gf "you not scared i get jealous if you keep going out with your guy friends?"
Even tho its a joke, the girl will still be overjoy that he cares.
When does lack of security occurs?
1) When she dun feel special - you cares for everyone around you, you give the same treatment to every girls around you. (vise versa)
2) When you do not let her know how much you love her - this is not telling her how much you cannot live w/o her. Cause overdoing this.. might cause the other party to take you for granted.
3) The person herself/himself do not have security - meaning they love, but they cannot bring themselves to trust. then.. this will be more difficult to handle.
Of course this does not happen to all relationships. Some might have other discrepancy like lack of communication, the person himself/herself has a difficulty letting anyone into his/her heart, etc etc.
But overall, i personally feel that its becoz the person does not feel secure therefore he/she starts to have all the signs of possessing, getting jealous, etc..
How to overcome?
hmm... in my view..
1) guys should always assure the girls of their love for them.
2) Slowly proof to them that you are someone worth trusting and you are not a jerk who is out to just have fun.
3) Communicate Communicate Communicate. If she's behaving the way that angers you, be sure that you tell her nicely and asked her what is wrong.
4) Always show care and concern but not overdoing it.
5) Let them know, that you are proud of him/her. You wouldnt want her to lost her self confidence cause when she does.... everything will go haywire.
A relationship will last, when both parties play it well.
Its like a kite, you know when u pull, you know when to let go. Humans love to take things for granted. Being too nice always, will result in the other party taking you for granted.
its a tough game, but when you really understand and know the rules of it, you are almost there. =)
posted by icy at 7/24/2007 01:49:00 PM
