Auntie agony (moi) has been preoccupied by her friends recently.

Apparently, she has a couple of pals that ran into relationship problem.

She manage to help advise all 3 and she is glad that she is able to help.

Now today, for lesson number 5.. The 5 languages of love.

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As i was talking to my gf whom i have not met her for months.. listening and understanding what had happened and what had gone wrong..

and it dawn on me that, alot of people have not heard, or knew that everyone has different sets of languages in love which is namely:
Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

Within the norm, many times, girls (guys) will frequently face problems of communicating love like:

- I did so much for him why doesnt he feel anything? Is it becoz he dun love me? (act of service)

- I buy so much things for him, why doesnt he buys back for me? Is it becoz he dun love me? (receiving gifts)

- Why doesnt he says that i look beautiful, why doesnt he tells me that he love me, why doesnt he tells me that he misses me sometimes? is it becoz he dun love me? (words of affirmation)

- Everyday i will try my very best to see him, to meet him, to spend alone time with him or at the very least.. to at least call him and talk to him on to phone if i am unable to meet him, so why doesnt he make an effort to do the same back? (Quality time)

- Why doesnt he hold my hands or hug me when we are in public or in front of his friends/my friends? Is it becoz he dun love me as much as i do? (physical Touch)

Falling in love, being in love is easy. But.. showing yr love.. and letting the other party feels "love" is a totally whole new different issue.

Alot failed to understand their own love languages together with their partners and eventually let go of the relationship because it became.. "Too hard to maintain/understand".

How does the difference in love languages affects your relationship?

Lets say for example, your primary love language is receiving gifts. To show your love to your partner, you buy gifts to him. You showered him with branded goods, pampering him with good food when u pass by a particular shop, you pay for a surprise overseas trip, you buy him everything and everywhere u go. Each month of the relationship u will surprise him with a gift.

While he on the other side, whose primary love language is lets say.. quality time and act of service. He receives your gifts, and feel that you are wasting money, he didnt reciprocate in terms of a gift for you, he just spend more and more time with you, carries your bag, drive you around shopping and accompany you wherever u go.

When you go shopping, and you wanna buy him this nice shirt from DKNY, he rejected you and said that you are wasting your money. You get frustrated becoz you insist on buying the shirt as you feel that he deserve it and he looks good in it.

Eventually you get upset. Becoz u feel that he dun love you. He dun appreciate whatever you buy, he took it for granted, and he dun even buy anything back for you to show his thoughtfulness.

While he on the other hand do not understand why do woman keeps spending money on unnecessary stuffs when he already have so much. and all he asked for is just spending time together and doing things together. And whatever you buy, he just take it. As time goes by, it became a habit, he just receive you just give. And thats when "you took things for granted" will come into play.

I dunno if this is a good example, but i do hope that it will help you guys understand the 5 languages better and how it will affect you and your partner.

to explain the 5 languages better - info/extracted from: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Words of Affirmation

Verbal appreciation/verbal compliments and offering encouragement forms words of affirmation. If your partner primary love language is words of affirmation, you need to be more generous with your words, with your compliments.. Tell her she looks beautiful, tell her you are proud of her, tell her you love her cooking.. tell her how much u love her..

Quality Time

Quality time is not about you doing what you like, and she follows. Its not about you and your friends going out, and u bring her along. Quality time is about you and her doing things both enjoys together and all your attention is her and her only.

Receiving Gifts

If you or your partner speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate.

You dun have to shower her with gifts everyday. You dun have to shower her with expensive gifts every other day.

You could just buy her small small items.. as long as it is visual. it can be seen can be touch. To her, its love. =)

Acts of Service

Iit is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, she may spend her day washing the cars and walking the dog, but if he feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that she did many other chores throughout the day..

Physical Touch

For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.
Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.....

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In a relationship.. there's a lot of stages in it that both have to go thru together. And i always believe that a couple in order to last long, have to grow together.

What do you mean by grow together?

IMO, priorities in life.

When we were younger, our priorities were fun. So girls and guys during their teenage years so go out and have fun, make merry, do nonsense and laugh.

As we grow older, our priorities changes to career. So we begin to get busy with whatever we feel that it is right for us to do.

After which, our priorities in life changes to stability. So we started planning out the future.

(i am cutting this short becoz i'm tired liao. lol)

As we mature, as we grow older, our priorities in life changes. When it changes, our expectation follows. Many times, couples were not able to pass thru the changes in priority together and therefore, many gave up.

This is one of another aspects why relationship fails.

It is important to always communicate and understand each other at every stage of your life.

It is important to always have constructive conversation and feedbacks with each other.

If you love him/her, dun give up trying to talk to him/her..

if you no longer see the need to continue.. then dun drag it any further.

grow together, understand each other together, and give each other a chance to know each other better.

My 5 cents worth. =)

P.S: wanna know your love languages? pls go to http://www.greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp