After 6mths, i met up with floyd.

thanks dude for your company.

Recently, i have been on a weird .. weird.. behaviour.

I know my pals are kinda of taken aback by my sudden disappearance.

I have not met them for a week.

I am still trying to get myself back.

And i need time to.

So i have you guys could understand..

I always need myself to be alone at this point of time.

Yes, they always say friends will be there when u are at the darkest point.

However, i always push them aside when i'm at my darkest point.

I do not know why, i would prefer to face it alone rather than disturb others.

Anyhow..

Met up with floyd ytd.

I think both of us or rather, i'm a little crazy.

We first went arena at 10pm for a drink.

and then head off to MOS for a "WALK"

OMG.. after 6mths of disappearance from MOS.. it became a dead town for god knows what reason.

We finally settled ourselves at Al Azhar for supper becoz i miss the prata there.

And we started chatting.

it was then.. it dawn on me how Singaporean Man see Singaporean girls.

He explains that alot of SG Man are looking in other countries for gf/wife.

Simply becoz SG girls are too demanding, are always asking for the impossible "Man who is rich, who is good looking, who is sensitive, who is blah blah blah.."

In short - a man with everything.

I beg to defer becoz i'm not one of them.

I explained to him about how i see relationship..

All i asked for is commitment, security and sensitiveness.

Regardless if the man is rich or poor - i believe that as long as he is ambitious, he looks far he wish for more, we could work together and head on to the same direction..

And i am always giving becoz i feel that they deserve to be pampered as its the way i show my love.

and he says..

"Girl, do you know that you are living in the 70's/80's where woman are always giving and asking nothing in return, while the society is already turning to a point where woman demands for everything without giving anything in return? No doubt, you are rare, you are nice however, you are not protecting yourself at all"

I wish to be a little more selfish.

I wish to not be this giving.

all i wanted is a man who could be there for me when i need him.

Being sensitive enough to know that there are days where they should be together.

Being commit enough to think for me before making any decision that concerns my feelings inside.

I never ask for surprises everyday, i never ask for gifts every month, i never demand romance, i never once asked anything material to be given. I never asked for any of my bf to only see me in his eyes. I believe their need of personal space, and their need to be with their buddies. (except.. when i'm freaking insecure)

I never like to control, when i hate to be controlled too.

All i asked for is attention, where all woman on earth wanted. but that seems to be the hardest thing on earth that is ever given - from a man.

I dun need materials, I need emotions. (But if materials are given to replace emotions.. maybe i'll be able to close one eye? LOL.)

I am afraid of the days where i felt that i'm alone when i'm in a relationship.

afraid of the days where i felt insecure.

afraid of the days where i felt that i'm the only one putting in effort.

afraid of the days.. where it hurts to know that it fails once again after heart and effort has been put in..

Memories.. memories of the hurt, the pain and the heartaches that i've gone throughout my life...

Maybe i'll never be able to meet the one.

becoz i expects too much.

this is too much for man to handle.

too much.