Memories
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Someone just reminded me of the pain i went thru previously.
The pain of losing myself, the pain of being in an insecure relationship, all the foolish and silly decisions i made.. all the memories are coming back to me as tho it just happened ytd.
I'm afraid..
Afraid of meeting that kind of guy.
The gentle, nice, thoughtful, caring.. man who has all the attention from girls.. and never is able to give any sense of security to the one that they love.
The perfect gentleman, the apple of everyone's eye, which everyone loves him, loves his presence, love his gentleness, love his care, love his concern, the man which can easily have alot of woman's attention anywhere, everywhere..
I still feeling it as tho.. it was yesterday.
The pain i felt, the tears i dropped.
I'm not blaming him, for its my fault too.
We are just 2 worlds apart, i am someone who needs security, words of affirmation almost every other day.
I need someone to see and treat me as someone special, not someone who treats everyone the same equally..
I am selfish, i just wan him to see me and me alone.. not being nice to every girls, not showing his gentleness to every girls..
I demand the gentleness only to me and me alone..
but unfortunately, it just couldnt happen.
A gentleman, is forever a gentleman who will shower they utmost care and concern to everyone.. especially girls who are suffering..
Remembering the times where i turn into a selfish, possessive freak..who gets jealous almost every other days scares me..
I dun want the dark side of me happening again..
Never..
i'm afraid of love, afraid of loving this kind of man.
Never would i wanna.. never..
I have ruin his life together with my life, with my decision of trying to stay together during that period..
If i have had... been decisive enough, maybe.. maybe the pain wouldnt have been dragged that long.
Then again... its a decision i made in the past.. and never have i regretted meeting him.
At least, i learn more of myself, i learn more of what i need, i learn more of the kind of man that would most probably be suitable for me.
Not the gentleman definitely.
The pain of losing myself, the pain of being in an insecure relationship, all the foolish and silly decisions i made.. all the memories are coming back to me as tho it just happened ytd.
I'm afraid..
Afraid of meeting that kind of guy.
The gentle, nice, thoughtful, caring.. man who has all the attention from girls.. and never is able to give any sense of security to the one that they love.
The perfect gentleman, the apple of everyone's eye, which everyone loves him, loves his presence, love his gentleness, love his care, love his concern, the man which can easily have alot of woman's attention anywhere, everywhere..
I still feeling it as tho.. it was yesterday.
The pain i felt, the tears i dropped.
I'm not blaming him, for its my fault too.
We are just 2 worlds apart, i am someone who needs security, words of affirmation almost every other day.
I need someone to see and treat me as someone special, not someone who treats everyone the same equally..
I am selfish, i just wan him to see me and me alone.. not being nice to every girls, not showing his gentleness to every girls..
I demand the gentleness only to me and me alone..
but unfortunately, it just couldnt happen.
A gentleman, is forever a gentleman who will shower they utmost care and concern to everyone.. especially girls who are suffering..
Remembering the times where i turn into a selfish, possessive freak..who gets jealous almost every other days scares me..
I dun want the dark side of me happening again..
Never..
i'm afraid of love, afraid of loving this kind of man.
Never would i wanna.. never..
I have ruin his life together with my life, with my decision of trying to stay together during that period..
If i have had... been decisive enough, maybe.. maybe the pain wouldnt have been dragged that long.
Then again... its a decision i made in the past.. and never have i regretted meeting him.
At least, i learn more of myself, i learn more of what i need, i learn more of the kind of man that would most probably be suitable for me.
Not the gentleman definitely.
posted by icy at 4/09/2008 01:11:00 AM
