i hate it..
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
i hate whatever i'm doing now.
i hate myself when i'm not being honest.
i hate it when i tries to be nice to everyone in the end sacrificing myself.
i'm not happy.
i really am not happy with what i am gonna do.
but its the best that i can do in order to protect everyone.
yet at the same time..
its not the best for myself right at this moment.
my heart is screaming inside.
wanting to do what it wanna do.
but it will be an extremely foolish decision with no guarantee that i'm gonna win.
thats why i choose the best option..
to go back to where i come from.. to give in to my fear..
afraid of the unknown, afraid of the future.. i'm very frighten...
and thus..
i withdraw myself back into the shell.. back into the well..
just because... its the best for others..
not me.
sigh.
i wish i had the strength to not feel fear like i used to be. i wish i was younger.. always making reckless decisions and just follow whatever i feel like doing.
but.. with everything in place and what society deem to be "right", i am force to do what you call.. the most rational decision.
the most rational decision.. is often.. the one that betrays one's heart.
i hate myself when i'm not being honest.
i hate it when i tries to be nice to everyone in the end sacrificing myself.
i'm not happy.
i really am not happy with what i am gonna do.
but its the best that i can do in order to protect everyone.
yet at the same time..
its not the best for myself right at this moment.
my heart is screaming inside.
wanting to do what it wanna do.
but it will be an extremely foolish decision with no guarantee that i'm gonna win.
thats why i choose the best option..
to go back to where i come from.. to give in to my fear..
afraid of the unknown, afraid of the future.. i'm very frighten...
and thus..
i withdraw myself back into the shell.. back into the well..
just because... its the best for others..
not me.
sigh.
i wish i had the strength to not feel fear like i used to be. i wish i was younger.. always making reckless decisions and just follow whatever i feel like doing.
but.. with everything in place and what society deem to be "right", i am force to do what you call.. the most rational decision.
the most rational decision.. is often.. the one that betrays one's heart.
posted by icy at 8/11/2009 04:02:00 AM
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