emotional pillar
Friday, November 20, 2009
i have always been my own emotional pillar.
each and everytime, shit happens in my life, i'll rant in here.
and forget it when i wake up.
each and everytime, i go thru a heartache, i'll choose to hide from all my friends, and meet up with those i have not met for a long time so erase past memories, and build the new.
each and everytime, i feel emotionally weak, i'll rant in here too.
my emotional pillar, is actually my blog i realise.
not any other friends.
he says its not healthy.
i will in the future topple over because i am my own emotional pillar.
weakness isnt in my dictionary.
showing other people my weak side, is even worst.
thinking back... i wasnt like that last time.
when i go thru heartaches, i'll call up my then best friends.. cry in front of them.. and allow them to see my teary face.. telling them how sad i am, giving them access to my wounded heart.
things changes when that someone left my life out of a sudden 6years ago.
it was the most heart-aching period throughout my life. after that one time.. showing to my then friends.. my weakest side.. where i cried to the sea, screamed at the sea.. and broke down completely. i nearly fainted by the sea because of the sadness. i cried for 4-5hrs non stop. till my eyes was in pain.. but i kept crying and crying.. it went on for mths.
the pain that i went thru, its something i dun wanna go thru it again.
after that, i learn to guard my heart, locked it up and kept it away from everyone else.
i'm an emotional person with tons of romance and love within myself.
i ran.. away from opening up my heart to anyone for a longest time.
am i able to face that fear of pain again?..
or i am actually slowly opening up the coward heart to see the light again?
yes.. honestly. i am afraid of loving a person wholeheartedly.
for..
the pain of that is too much for me to bear.
yet..
i realize.. that i'm slowly.. very slowly..
peeking thru.. into the world.. again.
i'm scared... really.. i am very frighten..
i wonder how i will feel later..
would i go thru what jw always put me thru in the past?..
or
would i be able to pass the day without even feeling anything?
back to the damn cool and confident carol.
(i'm hoping for the 2nd one.)
i think i'll be able to be cool with it. =)
for now.. i aint feeling anything.
cause i'm extremely hungry. hoo.
each and everytime, shit happens in my life, i'll rant in here.
and forget it when i wake up.
each and everytime, i go thru a heartache, i'll choose to hide from all my friends, and meet up with those i have not met for a long time so erase past memories, and build the new.
each and everytime, i feel emotionally weak, i'll rant in here too.
my emotional pillar, is actually my blog i realise.
not any other friends.
he says its not healthy.
i will in the future topple over because i am my own emotional pillar.
weakness isnt in my dictionary.
showing other people my weak side, is even worst.
thinking back... i wasnt like that last time.
when i go thru heartaches, i'll call up my then best friends.. cry in front of them.. and allow them to see my teary face.. telling them how sad i am, giving them access to my wounded heart.
things changes when that someone left my life out of a sudden 6years ago.
it was the most heart-aching period throughout my life. after that one time.. showing to my then friends.. my weakest side.. where i cried to the sea, screamed at the sea.. and broke down completely. i nearly fainted by the sea because of the sadness. i cried for 4-5hrs non stop. till my eyes was in pain.. but i kept crying and crying.. it went on for mths.
the pain that i went thru, its something i dun wanna go thru it again.
after that, i learn to guard my heart, locked it up and kept it away from everyone else.
i'm an emotional person with tons of romance and love within myself.
i ran.. away from opening up my heart to anyone for a longest time.
am i able to face that fear of pain again?..
or i am actually slowly opening up the coward heart to see the light again?
yes.. honestly. i am afraid of loving a person wholeheartedly.
for..
the pain of that is too much for me to bear.
yet..
i realize.. that i'm slowly.. very slowly..
peeking thru.. into the world.. again.
i'm scared... really.. i am very frighten..
i wonder how i will feel later..
would i go thru what jw always put me thru in the past?..
or
would i be able to pass the day without even feeling anything?
back to the damn cool and confident carol.
(i'm hoping for the 2nd one.)
i think i'll be able to be cool with it. =)
for now.. i aint feeling anything.
cause i'm extremely hungry. hoo.
posted by icy at 11/20/2009 02:08:00 AM
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