I have split personality.

Its scary.

and.. those who do not know me well, will think i'm like that.

And those who knows me well, will know that actually i'm not like that.

But like what?

I dunno.

My Mentor Explains to me earlier.

But i dun understand what he is trying to say.

I think i'm a complicated person.

Too complicated that i dun even know who am i or maybe i am too adaptive. I change so much to adapt to people around me that i forgot the original me.

Oh, dun worry, its not those bad split personality that i'll turn into a killer at night and an angel by the day.

Which is me?

Who am i?

I dunno. It also means, i'm still searching for myself for all these while, i'm just living a life for someone else.

Now that i needa face my life alone, its all messed up as i have too much freedom to have fun and play.

I'm just like any losers out there - refusing to work, just wanna have fun.

I'm just like those losers out there who refuse to grow up.

omg, what am i becoming.

I'm in Confusion.

And i can never decide something for my own.

So can someone please guide me?..

I just really do not know how to lead a life on my own.

I need to feed on someone else's dream and goals and helped that someone to achieve it.

funny hor? i also think so.

cannot do anything for myself, but will go all the way out for someone whom i dearly treasure.

=.="""

I kept saying i need to change. but have i changed in any ways? ~

at the same time,

my split personality shows up at other areas too....

~

i think i confuse other people as i'm confuse too.

so when confusion mets confusion it becomes big confusion. (lol)

I dunno what i want. I dunno who am i.

I dunno what suits me. I dunno how to do things.

I dunno i dunno i dunno!

Ok, i know "i dunno" is an excuse. there's nothing as i dunno, there's only something call "you just simply do not wish to face the truth"

yayayaya, that i know.

ok, leave me as it is.

I think i need a serious mental overhaul.

Its breaking down from my confusion.

I am such a confused girl, in a confused world, leading a confused life.

That i dun even know how to really go about leading my life.

-.-~

i'm so confuseddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..

Fri:

Reub's flying off..

I rushed down to airport to send him.

Guess i will not be able to see him again soon.

Miss him tons.. guess i took his presence for granted when he is in SG.. and now that he is gone, he's gone! =(

Saw mon, exo after 3+ years and they didnt change much except, exo is now fatter! *laughs*

Mon is still his michevious self even after 3+ years and he still look so boy boy!

Come to think about it.. its been almost 4 years? Oh my, time flies.

However, like alvin(his fren) said, there are some things that will never change. lol..

I'll miss fighting with him very much. *laughs* yeah i'm evil.

Just hope he will remember to call me when he's back on a holiday. =D~

Unfortunately, i'm sick again.

Down with serious flu that clog up my nose and i cannot breath at all. (with my nose)

Its damn irritating! =.=

However, i'm still going out. hee.. i cant seems to stay home. =.=

No fever = Not serious = Can Tahan. =D

-------

Sat:

Watched Invisible Target with Jane at Amk then rushed down to Viper Kor de BBQ Birthday party. hee..

So long no see him le! Kinda Miss him much.

Well well, i'm happy for him that he finally found someone worth his attention. =)

After which we head down zouk to meet up with Derek, Sybian and friends.

For the first time in the past few months, i only club for 1 day this week, and i nv drink more than 1 full glass of alcohol. hee.

i'm surprise too. =D

Sun:

Met yx for a movie at amk..

We watch Vacancy... and... ya as usual 99% of the show i'm not watching.

I'm a scary cat when it comes to horror and ghost flicks la! =(

Cant seems to enjoy them for one single moment.

I know its kind of hard to believe..... but its the truth..

And he made Jane and my day today! =D~

Thanks so much! I'm a happy happy girl now. *laughs*

*jump around with joy*

I'm not telling what is it.... yet. hehehehehehe~

----

And also, ah dar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU FOR THE GUESS BAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEEHEEEHEEHEEEHEEE..~

Including, Sybian for purchasing flu medicine for me, and all others who pampers us,

谢谢你们的疼爱与关心。我真的觉得好幸福哦。=)

Some random Pics.

My Poly Classmate Group Pics.. which i just receive.



My F21 Dress! I love it lots!



My Guess Bag. Proudly Sponsored by ah dar.





My New Dress which looks like its from F21 but actually from TF.. Proudly Sponsored by Yx! =D



And ya, recently i'm into these kinda of prints. lol..

Thank you all~ for pampering us so much!! =)

Relationship lessons will continue when i have more new thoughts. after part 2, i'm kinda empty.

Totally burned out today.

Was out since 7am.. tired tired..

Attended Mandy's dad wake earlier.. have been there for the past 2 days.. guess i'm going down again tomorrow.

I know how it feels.. as.. the memories of my grandfather passing away 6 years ago still lingers around in my heart..

As.. i was very unfilial.. i actually skipped a family dinner (which is the last one) just to accompany .. someone whom i have forgotten who. My granddad passed away after the dinner due to a heart attack. *sigh*

I almost break into tears when i see her cry. I know she has been trying to stay strong, crying herself to sleep i presume..

Losing a loved one is very hard to bear within a short period..

I tried comforting her.. hope it helps a little.

I will tend to feel for the people who is going thru such heartbreaking moments.. as i have been thru it before.. therefore i know the pain. =(

All i can do now is to stand beside her and give her the emotional support she needs throughout these period.

I just pray hard for her to be strong and walk out of this stage of her life smoothly.

Life.. is so vulnerable too..

You never know.. the next moment.. something might happen to you or your love ones out of a sudden..

Ever wonder what exactly is the main killers (the root) of a relationship?

In my own opinion - Lack of Security.

Lets put it this way, in a relationship, there must be security. When She (it can be he, it can be she) does not feel secure in this relationship, alot of problems will start appearing.

When there's a lack of security:

1) Over-Possessiveness will arise - as she dun feel secure, and she loves you, therefore she is afraid of losing you and she dunno what else to do but possess you.

2) Over-Jealousy will begin - Since there's a lack of security, she's unsure if you love her, she doubt that you will remain faithful to her, she will get jealous over any girls that you are close to or going out with.

3) will result in Lack of Confidence - Due to the lack of security in the relationship, more often than not, the person that feels not secure will eventually lose her(his) self confidence. When that happen, She will start losing her own personality, she will start losing herself.
(lack of confidence can also be the main root of all problems in a relationship. it can also result in jealousy and possessiveness, but for my case i wrote it in this way where security is the root rather than self confidence)

4) will result in Lack of Trust - As she dun feel secure, she starts to doubt your words, she start to imagine that you are doing something behind her back or she dun trust you that you are going out with your guy friends.

5) will result in Emotional Turbulence - When she dun feel secure, she will get emo over the slightest things. She will be moody, angry, sad, etc etc when you dun give her the attention that she seek for.

(the above do not include other special cases like the person itself has a serious case of low self esteem.)

Guys will always be complaining they never get to understand female. (us)

Yes, i agree, we are fickle and we are confusing.

We hate to be possessed and we hate man who gets jealous over the slightest things. Yet, when they do not, we will start to doubt if the we are important to them. LOL. I know this has always been a headache to my guy friends. They will be complaining they dun understand what their gf wants from them.

In simple terms, guys have to on and off "K siao" to get jealous and be possessive like jokingly ask the gf "you not scared i get jealous if you keep going out with your guy friends?"

Even tho its a joke, the girl will still be overjoy that he cares.

When does lack of security occurs?

1) When she dun feel special - you cares for everyone around you, you give the same treatment to every girls around you. (vise versa)

2) When you do not let her know how much you love her - this is not telling her how much you cannot live w/o her. Cause overdoing this.. might cause the other party to take you for granted.

3) The person herself/himself do not have security - meaning they love, but they cannot bring themselves to trust. then.. this will be more difficult to handle.

Of course this does not happen to all relationships. Some might have other discrepancy like lack of communication, the person himself/herself has a difficulty letting anyone into his/her heart, etc etc.

But overall, i personally feel that its becoz the person does not feel secure therefore he/she starts to have all the signs of possessing, getting jealous, etc..

How to overcome?

hmm... in my view..

1) guys should always assure the girls of their love for them.

2) Slowly proof to them that you are someone worth trusting and you are not a jerk who is out to just have fun.

3) Communicate Communicate Communicate. If she's behaving the way that angers you, be sure that you tell her nicely and asked her what is wrong.

4) Always show care and concern but not overdoing it.

5) Let them know, that you are proud of him/her. You wouldnt want her to lost her self confidence cause when she does.... everything will go haywire.

A relationship will last, when both parties play it well.

Its like a kite, you know when u pull, you know when to let go. Humans love to take things for granted. Being too nice always, will result in the other party taking you for granted.

its a tough game, but when you really understand and know the rules of it, you are almost there. =)

Can friendship be forever?

I have always asked myself.

Looking back at my life, i have friends coming in and going out.

In each of my life stages, there will be different friends being my best of pals.

Yet, as time goes, we either begin to lost contact or just simply disappearing from each others life.

It always amazed me how guys can actually maintained their friendship with their guy friends for years, while females always tend to face this problem of having different "best friend" at each different period.

I came to realise something - guys will bring their gfs out to mix around with their guy friends, girls will forget they have friends when they are in love.

Girls will always glue themselves to their bf, mix around with their bf's friends while spending lesser and lesser time with their gfs.

This is the vulnerability of friendship within the female society.

No doubt, I'm one of those. I'm not denying that i have also made this mistake.

I guess this is something that can never be change or its hard to be changed.

I'm sorry to those that i have once been a best friend of yours but disappeared when i become attached.

I have come to realise how important it is to maintain a healthy pool of friends and not to be too close with your bf's friend after my 2 years r/s.

Its unhealthy for a couple to be too gluey after seeing what happen to my cousin and myself.

It was one of the cause of me losing myself as i become too attached to him.

When a couple becomes too "couple", more than often, quarrels will begin to arise.

When a couple becomes too "couple", things start to become routine at a faster rate.

When a couple becomes too "couple", they begin to lose their friends.

I always believe that a couple will last longer if they have friends to go out with.

Simply becoz there's limited stuffs that a couple can do. Yes, the inital stage you need quality time alone. But how long can you stay alone?

Humans being humans, we need something new to keep the interest going.

When things become routine, when things become stagnant, when things become boring, how do you spice things up? Thats when friends come into play.

Just like a marriage, when you are married, and things become routine, they will start to plan for a baby.

Just like a job, when your job becomes too routine, you get bored and tired of it, you would start planning to look for a new job.

I dunno if anyone has realise this point, if you dun, i hope it do helps a little.

Friendship is important, for it normally last longer than relationship. (i'm not talking about marriage here)

Dun ever let your friends feel that they are taken for granted.

Dun ever let your friends feel that when you have a bf/gf, you are gone forever.

Becoz, once you do.. it simply proofs that your friendship with them is so vulnerable. They too might not see a need to be there for you since you forsake them in the first place.

I'm not kidding as this was what happen to my cousin.

Always maintain a healthy connection with your friends and always allow your other half to connect with their friends..

Sometimes, it might be too late for you to start doing something to your "used to be great pals" as they might have feel the hurt.

So, start building your friendship around with your other friends before it is too late.

Just my 2 cents worth. =)

Dear Boys and Girls,

Carol is now offically PMSing.

She will sometimes get very happy, sometimes get very crazy, most of the time get short fused.

So beware and do not irritated her.

P.S: Today i irritated the hell out of jane and i nearly Flare up at my mentor, alvin for drunk talking to me and YX for emo talks. Sorry but now is not a good time.

I dun think i can handle them for now. I might just snape and leave.

Signing off,
Carol

Met up with reuben yesterday.. 1 week before his departure to california to further his studies.

He might never come back, or he might only come back once in a while. =(

Sending him off on friday. I hope i dun cry..

I updated him on my life and the story behind the latest post.

He shake his head in disapproved and ask me "Do you Not know of The Game?"

I replied no.. how the hell would i ever heard of it before?

And there he goes.. explaining the rules of it, how it comes about..

I finally understood what is "The Game".

And I finally understood why have i stupidly fallen into it previously.

No i will not make the same mistake anymore..

I will forewarn all my ladies friend to beware of man of this criteria.

They are mostly, fake, out to play, definitely.

No i will not explain "The Game" over here.

Fearing that this will teach alot of other people how it goes and how to play the game. =.=

Reub and i like old times, caught a movie "Knocked Out" together at The Cathay.

It was a hilarious movie! Makes me feel like making a baby. MUAHAHAHA! =X kidding kidding.

I feel that the male lead could be more.. handsome... coz the female lead was hot! =.=

The content of the movie is quite X-Rated. So watch it with your close friends if u are a shy person. *laughs*

I was suppose to go for Jerry's wedding after the movie but i got the venue wrongly.

I thought it was at Raffles Town Club but.. its actually held over at Raffles Country Club in Tuas! In the end i didnt go.. =.= (sorry Jerry!)

Went to meet Jane instead with Derek and Sybian.

So 4 of us.. went for dinner.. and sat there and chat till 1015. lol..

Jane and i headed down to St James, with derek sending us over there. (thanks!)

Its been since a long time i step into DF on a weekend tho i got to know that there was someone that i dun wanna see there, it was still great. =)

We left quite early as we are going into JB together with Derek. hehe..

Happening? LOL.. =X

Reub and i. =)



My Dearest and i!





I love kissing her so much!



Derek on the left Sybian on the right



My Outfit yesterday! Was suppose to attend a wedding de.. thats why..

To that Particular Person:

I dunno if you still reads my blog.

If you too, then ya good for you.

I thought about it and i come to a conclusion, why should i be accused of being the bitch that backstab you when what i did was just speaking the truth?

U said that you were real.

Maybe you were. For that short period before you disappeared.

I waited for you. I seriously gave my heart to you.

But i found out stuffs before i concluded it wasnt real.

You wanna know what is it?

1) I got to know from another person, that YOU told her that "A GIRL THAT LIKES YOU" cook porridge for you and deliver it to your place when you were sick. So, i wasnt your gf @ that point of time?

2) So that person was YOUR GOOD friend? or immediately after me, you went for her?

3) We broke up, i was sad. I cried for days. Yet for you, immediately the very next day, you sent a very nice friendster comment to another. i'm not an idiot.

4) You said you were very busy and that you will bring me out whenever u can. DID YOU? or did you in the end went after another girl? haha. i was forgotten immediately after we broke up. You were just waiting for me to say that magic word to release you from this r/ and at the same time u will still maintain your name of being "the gentleman, the busy man who do not have time for relationship"

so on and so forth.

Dun bother me anymore.

I'm no longer part of your life, neither are you.

It is you, who woke me up from my dreams and show me how sweet a guy can be when HE THINKS he is in love and how fast the face changes when he lost interest.

Yeah, you didnt do wrong since u followed your heart.

I was wrong, to speak the truth and for labeling you as a jerk.

But hey, i didnt say u cheated on me. You didnt cheat on me, you just toyed with my feelings thats all.

Dun tell me how much u have put into our so called r/s, when it works the same for all others. Its just you being you showering the same attention and kindness to all other girls, and its nothing special.

Dun bother explaining how much i have misunderstood you. I dun think it matters to you anyway.

Lets not disturb each other's life anymore.

And yes, i regreted trusting the wrong man. Yet i'm thankful for this precious lesson. at least for now, i no longer trust man easily.

I have already long close this chapter of my life and i hope you will not disturb my peace again.

Bye. I hope i'll never see you again. =)

I'm Busy like a bee.

Time no Enough ah!!!!!

What have i been doing? er.....

Tues:

Ktving with Eugene, Phyllis, Lyndon, Ian and Eric. (of couse jane was with me. lol.. we are inseparable!)

Before that we met up with yq gerger first.

Was slacking over at Mac cafe while waiting for the rest to arrive.

As usual, my darling Jane has the ultimate Beautiful & powerful voice.

Eugene was singing better.

Lyndon voice was similar to andy lau.

Phyllis has 郑秀文 voice.

hee... me? i sing badly. so nahz! i go ktv everytime become KJ de. hehe..

Ended at 1 before heading down to Geylang for supper! Sinful sinful~ =.=

Wed:

What else? i guess you know where to get me now. hehe..!

and yes! Zouking~

it was Julina's birthday (happy birthday my girl~)

pass her the free entries for some of her friends with the help of yx. (Thanks darling~ you're the man. =D)

But before that we met up with jane's fren terry we gave us a treat at this korean restaurant located in chinatown. ITS VERY DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Surprisingly. prissy babe came down too~ weeee, she looks hot with her red corset!

But the music sux for the day even tho it is their launch party for their Mambo Jambo CD. zzzz..

We left quite early (at 2am with Jerry sending us back. Thanks dear~)

Thurs:

MUAHAHA~ Its my advance theory test.

And i didnt study for it at all.

This is already my 3rd attempt.

I already got my advance twice which expire twice. LOL~

Everybody faint when i told them that. LOL!

Bo pian, i is poor. No money go for practical. =X

And... I PASS! WITHOUT STUDYING!

MUAHAHAHA~

Jane got a shock when i call her 15mins later telling her i pass.

she was like "WTF~ U so fast and yet u pass!"

*grinz*

Tips? Just book a trial test before u go for the actual one and do as many practice as possible if you can. heee!

Afterwhich, i met jane at AMK hub to walk around and bought a pair of heels for only $7.50!!!!

*LAUGHS*~ We are good at sourcing for good bargains. MUAHAHA.

Yx was there with one of his gf too and bumped into him along the way. =)

We left soon after to wait for derek to come pick us up for his BBall Competition held at Seng Kang.

Becoz of us, sybian and him was late for the compy.. (Sorry!)..

Hmm.. this is actually the first time we saw a live bball match. heee..

Quite exciting tho we dunno what the hell happen when the referee stops the game every now and then.

After the match, we head down to geylang for dinner! =D

Pics:

Gerger snatch a pic of me while i was playing with my hair at mac..



没有形象的我们。哈哈哈哈哈哈。



They camwhore when i went to purchase my dinner... My angels. =D



The beautiful smoker. LOL! (opps)





I love them lots!





Arent they pretty? =D





Finally the zouk pics.. taken.. last week.







I love man man new hair color!!!!!!!







The korean hot pot which is full of beef and veggy! alot of ingredients lor!



Hmm.. recently, no emo post.

is it good or bad? lol...

I'm too busy to be emo now.

ano, there's nothing for me to be emo about anyway! =D

My schedule is now packed till monday. Die la.. time no enough.

I need more time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S: Jane, do you realise, this week we meet everyday? LOL!!!!!!!!!! We are Like Siamese twins! HAHAHA~

Finally met up with my poly friends earlier for dinner after such a long time.

Had an update session with them but it ended early as all of them need to work the next day.

After which i met up with Jane to go home as she was also there.

We ended up having coffee with Lyndon and his 2 friends namely Ian and Eric.

Its only after this session that i got to know the other side of humans - the mind games.

How they actually... do to play around with their friend's mind (tho they are also willing party..)

How the pawns move around the "game of chess".

How they enjoyed watching the shows.

How they tactically created... the "game".

Sounds crazy?

Sounds unreal?

I didnt know till i questioned and probe further.

What is the role of each and every person is this game? Have i ever entered into the game unknowingly? What details am i lacking? What questions am i left unanswered? How did the game started off?

Why her?

hmm... so these are the list of questions that have not been answered.

*ponders..*

Am i able to dig out everything? I dunno. We'll see how tomorrow.

Well.. its my nature. My curiousity. I need to feed on it.

I dun wanna be part of the game as its tiring to my brain.

However, i'm begining to enjoy each and every moment.

Yeah, i sound like a sadist.

But i get a kick out of knowing the truth.

Its amazing how each and every different brains work.

I'm glad to know these bunch of people who creates questions for my mind to work on.

hee..

I hope i did not unknowingly created a bad impression. =.=

I didnt mean it. i just really wanna know the truth. lol..

Its purely to feed my curiousity nature - really.

Alright, thats all for the night.

Pictures:

Olive and me!



Angeline and me!



Me Grace and Geri~



Yongwen and me!



Jane Darling~ Muack! love her lots~ hee..



Picture taken the day before. lol.. we bought Mrs Fields into the movie.



What am i holding? A pad? LOL~ no! its my Mrs Fields Brownie!



Its tiring after one whole night of mind blowing game.

Nite People. =D

U might think i'm crazy.. but.. i've been going to zouk 4 days straight.


From Wed to Sat. LOL!


Now i know most of the PR there (thanks to YX) and 2 bouncers. lol lol..


Friday:


Finally met up with yq gerger! Miss her so much! Her smiles, her funny jokes and thoughts and comments, her facial expression... etc etc.


We went for a movie together with Jane!


My Wife is a Gangster 3 is damn funny lor. lol lol~ Laugh from the begining to the ending. lol.. Its quite worth the 2hrs. =)


After which we headed for some coffee before going zouky to meet conrad and friends.


But we didnt stay for long before hopping over to MOS as quite a number of our other kakis are over there.


hur hur.... it was then.. i met the most irritating guy i have ever knew in my whole life who irritated the hell out of me, jane and mandy where we for the first time would not wanna see him anymore after the first time... (this shows how irritating he is..)


Party ended at 4 with lyndon sending us back.


I didnt drink much on friday as.... I got sick of the taste somehow.


Saturday:


yada.. nowhere to go. Sybian jio-ed Zouking.

Went down and went hyper again. LOL...

Had a fun time running around. =X

hurrrrrrrr..

Before that, met up with alvin for coffee together with jane.

He bought me a coach sling bag from states!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~

Thank You So MUCH!!!!!!!!!! =D

That made my day. heee..~

Couldnt thanks him enough. =D

Pictures:

My 2 angels before going movies.



@ Coffee Club





They with Yq's fren JunJie



Me and my cousin on thurs zouking



The Sling bag that Alvin got for me. =D




There's more pictures taken but still with mandy. hee..

so will post up the rest tomorrow~ =D

My weekend, the usual. =)

Yeah, i went zouk today (again!)

Well, this time round.. i was sort of "dragged" down by my cousin.

The Finals of the Butch Competition.

Thankfully, we didnt stay till they started dancing. Only watched the compy and left.

(i dun really wanna see this intimate scenes....)

And my cute cousin.. wants to bring me to the gay disco one of these days.. She say i will have another culture shock.

*Sweat*

I dun really like to see.. G**s intimate scene.. Not that i Anti them, just that.. i am just not used to seeing these kinda open actions. -.-"

I'm cool with this other culture of SG and furthermore Old Lee seems to like the idea of opening up the lesbian/gay community up. lol.

(according to Mr Lee's Speech which i dunno when.. my cousin tell me de..)

However, it takes time for us to get used to the idea of man kissing another man on the streets right?

Its funny how we could accept lesbians kissing.

But.. when it comes to a gay couple.... things tends to feel a little funny.

Till date.. I seriously have not seen a gay couple kissing in broad daylight.

Neither do i see them holding hands publicly.

Maybe i'm too oblivious to my surrounding. =X

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends has been telling me that i'm clubbing too much.

One of my guy friends has even highlighted to me that.. i might not be able to find someone if i continue my clubbing and drinking ways.

I do agree in some sense however, i must say, within the norm, i club lesser when i have a partner as i believe in responsibilty and commitment.

I am more tame.. and homely.

but since i am single, why do i have to limit myself?

Yes, on the drinking part is for my health.

And i am really trying my best to lessen it down.

But i really cannot help it when it comes to wed.... mambo will call out to me.

On fri and sat.. i will feel that there's really nothing much to do except clubbing.

And since.. its now Smoke Free clubs, the air that i breath in.. is no longer that polluted? hee. thats my assumption.

I just love music and dancing too much.. boo.

As for the drinking part... i'm cutting down. ALOT.

Do you know? I used to hate drinking? Hardly people believe me.. I only started drinking since erm.. 2 years ago.

I used to club drinking fruit punch as i hate the alcohol taste.

hee.. tho its a purely different story now.. *bleah*

Dun worry peeps, i'm trying to control my life again.

I know what i am doing and i hate the feeling of losing control. =)

I dun think i'll ever quit clubbing for the time being. But drinking less, yeah. i will. =)

goodness.

i nv drink alot, but i drank strong ones.

Lamborghini + Long Island Tea from Zouk = Die.

my head is spinning. but i am still conscious.

Mandy concussed on our way back.

Jane was sober.

I'm sober - with a little spinning effect. hey i still can blog, it proofs that i'm alright. lol..

Met up with Lyndon for the first time, together with eugene and his love interest phyllis. lol..

Lyndon, let me into alittle insights on their progress. haha.

I'm happy for eugene that he has finally found someone. =)

Didnt manage to meet feng di di. coz i think i'm too.. high le. lol.. we wasnt at our usual spot - the ladies platform..

instead we were at velvet.. playing around. lol..

my head is spinning real badly now..

good nite everyonee.

People asked "why am i not attached?"

The feeling of love. How does it feels again?

i made someone cried for me again.. (i'm sorry..)

But.. i dunno why.. i feel so cold.

Yes, i do feel guilty for i couldnt bring myself to reciprocate.

I could no longer feel any heartbeat.

I could no longer feel excitment over being loved.

I could no longer.. bring myself to open my heart for another.

And... i dunno why... i feel bad when i see the tears.. but i just couldnt bring myself to.. feel touched nor .. loved.

People said love is wonderful.

Its only partially correct.

Its wonderful at the begining, its wonderful when u meet the correct one, but its horrendous if its the wrong one, and it become tedious at the middle/end of it..

Humans often.. only know how to start a r/s but do not know how to maintain one and that is when things begin to fall apart..

They only see the beautiful side of it, they forgotten.. that it takes a period of time to know and understand one person.

They thought they knew him/her, but.. dun we always put on our best behaviour during the courting period?

Love is too .. confusing. Love is.. too tedious..

Love is not wonderful..

I dunno.. when will i ever be able to taste the sweetness of it again for.. i am too afraid of loving someone again.

then again.. maybe someday, i might be able to open my heart.. someday.. i dunno when.

Ok, well.. erm..

ya, jane and i ended up clubbing on both fri and sat. LOL!!!!!!!

and i pei yx to a .... sleezy thai disco on sunday to meet his colleagues..

which i nearly faint over there becoz... when i reach there, they were singing.. 香水有毒 and it sux like hell lor!!!!!!

haiz.................................... i keep complaining... 带我去 dragonfly!! 我不要留在这里!! lol!!

Anyhow.. Jane and i .. we did improved!

1stly, we didnt drink much during the weekend. (can use hands and count how many glasses wor! i only had 3 on fri, 2 on sat and 3 glasses on sunday!... er actually add together still consider quite a lot hor? -.-")

lastly, we went back early! (coz not high leh, then not fun. -.-")

we did also manage to be healthy as we went blading with our pals on sat afternoon before heading down zouk.
so.. consider we did do something about everything right? LOL! =X

oh, i'm feeling the itch on mambo. wed faster come. =X

pics pics~

Sat - on the way down ECP. jane and i cam whore in the bus

I damn sianz, while i was transfering the pics to the comp, i delete the pics. then when i look into the folder, the pics were not transferred successfully! i lost quite alot of pics.. only manage to retrieve back these pics..








Cyrus and moi. that .. egoistic.. over.. confidence...... ok kidding. =X hee..





Sat Night - Xin Wang after Zouking! As usual.. We cam Whored! haha..













MUAHAHA! WE REALLY BO LIAO! MUAHAHAHAHAHA~





Fred and Jerry.. tell u ah, wanna take their pic like wan their life like that. lol. die die dun let us take their pic! -.-"



Overall? Its alright.. i am still trying to get used to nights without drinking.

if only... they play mambo everynight.. then i dun need alcohol to keep myself happy! haha~

I am so so so addicted to mambo music can? =X