i have offically moved to CarolchinCouture.blogspot.sg

Hello everyone,

Time flies and its been 2 years since i last blogged. How's everyone? havent blog for so long, so many things have happened and changed.

I am with Prudential for 5 Years now. happily married to my man since 24th May 2011.

No i am not pregnant yet, and no i am still currently staying with my parents. such a pain.

and the number one pain of growing up.. is the traditional chinese wedding that i dread, hate, dislike, whatever negative word u can think of, thats how i feel towards it.

I have been trying to run away from it since the day we ROM-ed. Initally, to "make the folks" happy, we wanted to do it this year 2012. but we were strongly rejected by my parents  because we were still waiting for our roof over our head, we have no choice but to stay with my parents since there's absolutely no space for me over the man's side. And my unreasonable/old-fashion folks demanded us to move out of the house if we were to be traditionally married.

why?

因为嫁出去的女儿，是泼出去的水。是不可以和父母一起住。

and so.. we discarded our idea of wedding banquet totally. I didnt want to do any because our house is coming and we should be receiving it by 1st quarter of 2014 latest.

Then.. we decided to arrange for our wedding shoot... the next thing we know.. ONE DAY before our wedding shoot, my folks picked a quarrel with ME. YES! ONE DAY BEFORE MY WEDDING SHOOT CAN!

they started grumbling abt we not doing the banquet, abt we not doing the traditional way, abt why we never do it. seriously, i wanted to literally pack my stuffs and move out.

It never occur to them, how troubled we are with money. With the current condition where we are living, where renovation cost alot, where borrowing money the interest rate is HIGH, with the stupid thing about increasing cost of wedding banquets at hotel (I HAVE NO IDEA WHY ARE THE HOTELS INCREASING THE COST PER TABLE EVERY YEAR BY $100-$200?!) they just force it upon us, forcing us to do it.

为了面子，为了自己。 恨恨恨！

人也是他们，鬼也是他们，神也是他们，什么都是他们说,他们要,他们讲。

I am not a happy bride, i will not be happy arranging it because i know, I WILL BE THE FREAKING ONE THAT WILL DEAL WITH ALL THE SHIT THAT IS COMING.

NOT MY HUB, NOT MY PARENTS.

I am absolutely not happy with the thing abt wedding banquets. Reasons?


1) that is the day where u know who your true friends are. There will be people not coming last min, there will be people who suddenly disappear.

2) Why do we have to pay so much $1300/table for 30 tables(total $39,000). with this amount of money, i could have a fabulous renovation, i could have a  help a poor neighbourhood country, i could help so many young kids in the poor country giving them food water and education. its ridiculous. honestly.

3) Marriage is btw me and him and my family. WHY do we need to announce to everyone? I am happy, he is happy, and thats all that it matters isnt?

4)Those that comes and truly wish us, can only see me for a maximum of 15mins, the rest of the time, i am rushing up and down change, do the yum seng, do the cutting cake, do the per table photography. Noone can even talk more than 10sentence to me. How is this way wishing us?

5) those that comes and give us the red packet as a form of congratulations.. it doesnt come to me. it passes my pocket and goes straight to the hotel. How in this way any form of congratulations to me? its congratulation to the hotel for another sucker who bits the dust.


i am not happy. totally not happy. i dread the day it comes i hate the fact that i am being force to do it. fuck my life seriously. why cant i have a parent that is understanding, that do not mind me not holding a banquet?

sigh..

Finally the long awaited flu bug has hit me hard on the head.

im feeling, groggy, sick, extremely unhappy, and i need lots of TLC.

however, my dd didnt give me any. =.=

nose been leaking since i woke up at 12pm. non stop action till now..

my head feels heavy, and im not thinking properly.

moreover, i had to force myself out to an appt at 10pm.

bf was in complete ignore mode.

called him 3 times, no pick up.

while i was driving, i purposely on msn so i can find him there and msg him to call me.

no reply either.

i feel sooooooooooo bad.

i needed tlc, and he didnt gave me any.

angry.

it doesnt help with what im feeling now.

shall head to bed and sleep. my bloster and pillow will give me the TLC i needed.

Time flies.

January is now officially over and we are stepping into Feb.

What have i done for Jan?

NOTHING but spending money and time.

Fuck.

I'm feeling extremely irritated with myself.

I feel useless.

and i feel that i fail myself badly with my job.

I aint responsible enough.

*roll eyes.

things dun feel good today because i had another fucked up accident with my car.

oh well that can be settled via money definitely.

so heres the point.

after working for 3 years.

i save peanuts.

PEANUTS for someone who has worked for 3 years.

should i sell off my car?

*roll eyes again.

can i.. return back to the days of taking public transport?

i suddenly feel tired of working for the car.

then again... by taking cab everyday to the different places.. isnt gonna make my transportation cheaper.

*roll eyes again

at the end of the day

i need more money.

MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

how could i earn more?

o.O

*headache

where should i start from?

*think

I wan to be different this year.

not like last year.

with the eyesore out of the company, i must perform better.

I need MORE OIL.

and ..

I NEED TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE.

WHERES MY HEART GONE TO?!

So, at the end of the day, its the same feeling yet again, but by another man.

why do the guys i am with, love to do this?

to make me little, to make me feel like dirt, as compared to their ex gfs?

if u love yr ex gf so much, why dun u just go back to her?

why do u wanna throw me aside when she is back, and when she is away u come to me?

excuses excuses.

pls everyone out there. dun be stupid and feed so much information about yr previous r/s to yr gf. dun give those intimate details because woman are very visual. they fucking love to paint pictures in their head.

as much as i behave like a man, i am a woman at heart.

i fucking cannot stand man who makes me feel lesser.

if u cannot make me feel important, then dun fucking come into my life and make me lesser.

because it took me so much time and effect to build that little confident i have in myself ever since someone else totally crushed it.

i fucking hate this feeling of being make 2nd to another person.

i have no right to be angry or upset ?

yeah, fine. then i'll not gonna feel anything anymore from now onwards. would that be better?

yeah i guess so.